And so, the year is coming to an end...
What have i done throughout the entire year 2007? What have i achieved? What have i learnt? What lessons were i taught? What have i gain and lost? What have i found and gave away? Of all the things i did or did not do, what have made me think i made the right choice? What left me with regrets?
I cant help but think about all the things that ive gone through throughout the year. It ended so quickly..i havent done anything much, definately not enough to let 2007 slip me by.
I dont know why but i dont feel all excited about welcoming the new year. I probably have not done enough this year and i fear that the next year might be even tougher than ever.
Dancingintherain have been part of my life since Edmund and i broke up. The things ive done, the things i felt, the happiness and the sorrows of the past 3 and half years are all recorded on this page.
When i was thinking about all that happened since January till now, i cant really remember every single detail. I can hardly remember what happened in the first quarter of the year, not much even of the second quarter. I can probably remember only the major events like losing a friend, my graduation and my first step into the working society. All the other minor details, i can hardly remember them anymore.
And that's why i enjoy blogging, because its just a few buttons away where i can start reliving those moments and remind myself what ive been through and remind myself of what i should do or should not do.
Dancingintherain is where i read when i feel bored, when i feel like reminiscing, when i wanna think back on the past.
Dancingintherain is part of my happiness and sorrows, my book of life.
But now, im having thoughts of turning dancingintherain into history. To put an end to it because the people who are viewing my little space is scaring me.
I dont know who, neither do i know what kinda people are reading my daily nonsense but these people are scaring me.
It scares me when people start 'google-ing' me with keywords like 'amber lin', 'amber credit suisse' and things like that.
It scares me even more when i tried 'yahoo-ing' myself with 'amber lin' and when i click to page 2, yahoo actually had the option at the top on "Also try: amber lin ruoxuan, amber lin ruo xuan"
Im like, HELLO? Thats my full name! I got a freaking shock of my life. Its crazy. My entire name up on yahoo search? Its crazy.
Im sorry, but im not like some other girls who loves getting attention, being in the limelight just because they think they're some big shot models although they're just some small fly part time photoshoot models or people who likes to be on high profile.
I am not. AND i dont wanna be on high profile. I just wanna be myself and lead my own kinda life.
And since the year is coming to an end, where everyone start making resolutions. "A new year, a new beginning", the phrase which i believe everyone would start using and thinking, its probably time to move on from here and bid goodbye to what had past or what should stop.
Im not making any resolutions this year, because i never fulfilled them. I thought 2007 would be the start of my new life, where i can forget about the past, forget about what you've done and all the hurts i received so many years ago and move on with my life, getting back my happiness which ive lost for so long.
But no, 2007 wasnt the year.
I cant say that i have not moved on yet, because i did. But its not complete. I cant let go completely 100% of my fears and phobia but at least i tried, at least the percentage had increased comparing 3 and a half years ago. I take that as an improvement and i hope 2008 would be the year where it would bring my life to another higher level.
But all in all, i'll still take a deep long breath and welcome 2008 with open arms. Whether or not my days would be smooth-sailing in the coming year, whether or not things would change to what i want it to be, i'm still looking forward to what 2008 has for me.
And to all my dear friends and love ones, Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year.
* yours truly.
amber.ruoxuan\\twenty\
* mates.
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20051987\\single\\operations analyst @ credit suisse\\friendster*
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